I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
