I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
