i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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