where am i from again
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Dick very happy bro
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
