Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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