Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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