Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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