well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
