i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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