so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
