he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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