He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
