Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
