If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
