vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm passing your future prison.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Be still, my beating vagina.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
