The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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