If that was your dad, he is hot
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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