First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
