so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
