This girl is more easily done than said...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
