A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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