Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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