At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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