That's intense
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
