i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
