she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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