Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
