Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
