i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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