I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
