Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
