I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
