Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
