Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
