I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
