I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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