i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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