it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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