aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
