i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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