After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
