I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
