I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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