I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
