508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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