Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
