i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
