just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
