i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
