hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
